Rick (medlir) wrote,
Rick
medlir

Realization.

I remember when I used to have lots of trusted people I could talk to, so when I had an issue, I could take it to an uninvolved third party and get unbiased advice. It was so much easier because I had an outside perspective on things and I didn't have to deal directly with *everything* myself. I realize I don't have that anymore, at all. I think I lost it about 6 months ago. There's a handful of people I think I could talk to if I had to, but I don't think they'd overly care anymore, and I wouldn't feel comfortable taking the things I need help with to them anymore anyway. I'd feel like I was dumping my issues on them and wasting their time. The thing is, I don't remember why I trusted certain people or why I felt like I could turn to them back then and why I can't now. I still trust them, but there's distance. I feel like if I tell people my problems or ask them about my issues, they'll take it personally or just plain not understand. Yes, this is whining. It accomplishes nothing but maybe garner a few comments from people saying they're there for me. But it doesn't change anything, they might really mean it, but that doesn't mean *I* feel like I can turn to them. I wonder how I can find those people again. I wonder if they're really lost or just misplaced temporarily. Or maybe I just doubt that my problems, issues, and questions are worth taking to anyone, maybe I should just ignore them. Maybe I just talked myself into silence for a while. Maybe.
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