October 8th, 2000

Grr

Death.

This has nothing to do with my rabbit, but I think I think about death too much. My own that is. I think at least once a week I think about how easy it would be to jerk the wheel in my car and fly into a ditch. I wonder if I'll ramp up through the ditch or simply hit it. I wonder if it'd hurt, or if I'd die quickly. I sometimes get the feeling that it's a bad day and that someone's going to hit me. I wonder if anyone would care if I'd die. Maybe it'd just solve a lot of problems. I wonder if I was dying if I could hold on by force of will alone, and if I could, would I? Seems like a lot of it has to do with car accidents. Maybe it's bound to happen, maybe it's just a result of driving so much these days to class and work. On the swoon.com personals site I had put my ideals to find in a search for true love. A girl had written to me saying it sounded like I was looking for someone to live my life for me. I asked what she meant by that but she never replied. Since when is it wrong to want to achieve the best? Is it wrong to want someone to mourn your passing even though that means pain for them? And no, I'm not suicidal. I'm quite sure if I can resist the urge to be stupid like most other teenagers who drink, smoke, or do drugs, and sleep around, then I can resist the urge to do other things. The fine line between thinking and doing.
  • Current Music
    REM - Everybody Hurts
Grr

BLARG!!!

Urge to let out an ear-piercing scream too great... argh! Hold it in, HOLD IT IN!!!

I don't think my parents would appreciate it. Good thing I get tos leep in tomorrow. I think I'm on the verge of going stiry crazy.
  • Current Music
    Guano Apes - Open Your Eyes (on repeat for the last 1.5 hours)
Grr

Open Your Eyes!

Hide your face forever
dream and search forever

Have you ever been for sale ?
when your isms get smart
oh so selfish and mindless
with that comment in your eye

Do you think that you are hard ?
really harder than the other
man you're acting cold
if you are not in charge

Don't split your mentality
without thinking twice
your voice has got no reason
now is the time to face your lies

Open your eyes, open your mind
proud like a god don't pretend to be blind
trapped in yourself, break out instead
beat the machine that works in your head

Will you offer me some tricks
if I ever need them
would you go into that room
if I call 'em

Do you think that you are better
really better than the rest
realize there's a problem
I know that you can give your best

Have you ever had a dream?
or is life just a trip?
a trip without chances
a chance to grow up quick

Open your eyes, open your mind
proud like a god don't pretend to be blind
trapped in yourself, break out instead
beat the machine that works in your head

Hide your face forever
dream and search forever
night and night you feel nothing
there's no way outside of my land

Open your eyes, open your mind
proud like a god don't pretend to be blind
trapped in yourself, break out instead
beat the machine that works in your head

(c) Sandra Nasic / Edition Artist Station/EMI Songs Musikverlag GmbH