December 17th, 2000



Weird things. Apparently just when things seem okay, they're the exact opposite. A bunch of people seem to be ignoring me lately. Although others are doing the exact opposite. I don't want to be the center of everyone's attention, but it's nice to be the center of *at least* one person's attention. Does anyone know who AIM user "Trouble058" is? If youa re this person and read this, add a comment or something. I have this person on my AIM list but I have no idea who they are at the moment or why I added them. I saw them online the other day and wondered who they were. Tonight though I was downstairs watching TV with my parents and I came back up here to find the single message, "asshole" from him/her and I don't know why! So now I'm curious as to what it's about and who it is. I think it's someone from SparkMatch... google doesn't find the handle on any pages, a search of the content of all my email doesn't show anything, so I figure it's on SparkMatch or here on LJ. *shrug* I love the AOL 6.0 commercial... "I have a huge Buddy List! Like 80 users!" haha! 80... that's almost funny. :P Of course, after so many years... it's nice they took off the 100 buddy limit. :P

Okay, I can't believe it's 6AM already... oof. Tomorrow... all my work. :P Or most of it... okay, maybe some of it. :P I think one of my parents are awake and moving around downstairs. I thought I heard someone whisper my name up the stairs multiple times but I'm not sure. :P Ah well. Wonder how much more snow we got last night. Sorry to Sonya for not replying sooner Friday! Let me know about future plans! Does Suncoast have subbed anime? I asked for a gift certificate for there for x-mas. X-mas moneyan be spent on good stuff also. :P I fell asleep early, slept all night, and most of the day, didn't get up till 10 or so and then slept later in the day too. :P Ack, I need to find out why I sleep so much. My mom wants to take me to a sleep clinic. :P

***** Note from the other day! *****

I'm sorry to inno too from the other day for being harsh with her on a thread in Sasami's LJ. I was angry at what she had said and it got out of hand. Nothing personal was meant by it.

***** END NOTE *****

And for some reason I just lost my net connection... or rather, 5 minutes ago. Not sure why. It's sunday... isn't it? Talked to Shay for a while tonight. She just went to bed a few minutes ago *I think*. She walked two miles through the snow to get food today because she has no transportation! Another MI anime watcher... whoo hoo!

Maybe I'll justs tay up now... read for a bit. I asked earlier if I should go on to reading the new Shanarra book by Terry Brooks or finally start Cryptonomicon. This was in #poetica on SorceryNet earlier this morning. I got one vote for each. :P I'm leaning toward Shanarra only because I re-read the entire series a few weeks back so it's still fresh. Much like I re-read the Wheel of Time series in preparation for #9 coming out. Damnit, I want #10 now... I don't want to wait forever again. :( Reminder: I ***NEED*** to be sure to mail Ashley her copy! Damnit, I keep forgetting and it's almost been a month since I got it for her. I feel really bad too... I hope she didn't buy it herself out of frustration of waiting for me. I *just* finished it Thursday night.

I ended up staying up till this time Thursday night reading that. Accidentally fell asleep. Woke up late. Realized after a week of no work I was 5-5.5 hours late for work on Friday. PLUS! I had my co-op prof coming in which my boss didn't know about. I might have wrote about this already. I reallyneed toget things together. I think it went well though. Good deal. I ended up working till 7PM... ack. The building alarms in the lab were on and the place was locked up. :P Oops. I think I did write about this that night.

One of my parents is awake... they're smoking in the living room. Bleh... toxins floating up the stairs to kill me slowly. It stinks too. That's why I usually close my door at night.

mouse... She hasn't been talking much to be me lately. I know she'll see this on her friends page though... if she reads this far. She was talking to me Friday afternoon on AIM while I was at work but she left to get her hair done. She half-talked to me tonight. She said she was avoiding people on IRC when I messaged her after she left all the channels I was on. After reading her recent entries, it seems she might have been avoiding me as well. I'm not sure why. Apparently a lot of people get dreary and depressed in Winter and normal things become even more difficult to handle.

Reconnecting now so I can send this in a minute. What else... hmm. I have some AstroCity comic collections I need to return to Dean. He gave them to me to read but I have no time so they've just collect dust. And GAWDAMNIT! For some reason while typing on my laptop, the touchpad spazzes for no reason causing me to type int he wrong area in here or jumping to an entirely different window. It's done it four times in this paragraph alone! Argh! I should email Nikki sometime... see what (it just did it again... twice) she's doing these days. I should email a lot of people... concentrate (did it again) on email for a bit.

Jabber! Jabber seems really cool... AIM, ICQ, Yahoo, MSN, IRC... all in one program (when the transports work)... it really seems useful. Except none of the clients are really complete (did it again) so a lot of functionality is missing. The premise is awesome though. If the clients were a littl(again)e bet(again)ter, I'd use it all the time. Some thing(again)s I'd like to see... Lis(again)t conversion from the others to Jabber. More interoperability (I know, it's difficult, no complaints...)... I won't use Jabber for AIM and ICQ if I can't send files through to those people. I think File Send only works to other Jabber users. Which makes sense... I suppose. I could change my local viewing font but not the font I send my text in with AIM and couldn't see the font or font attributes the AIM user was using. I want to get my own jabber server running... that'd be fairly neat. Haven't had time to play with that either.

I want to move my room around, clean up, get my work done, have some fun, go to work when I should or even more often so I actually have money, I need a new car, I need tuition money and classes for next semester, I need to sort out a lot of paper, I need to sort a lot of electronic paper, I need to catch up with email, log files, projects, ideas, dreams, my journal, bookmarks, newsgroups, the days, my sleep, learning, life. I think a weekend at the cottage with no computer would be good about now.

New Year's Eve... that'll probably be it, like last year. Time with no computer hum (though gray noise is supposed to be good I heard, but I stillw ant to move my shelves... my pooor uptime.) Sis will probably get out of spending it with the family though so it won't feel right anyway. I wonder what weekend her x-mas party here is... I usually attend that since all I have to do is walk down to the basement and walk back up here when it gets scary and boring down there. She usually buys a gift for someone else for me for the gift exchang(ag(again)ain)e since theyt(again)^H're all her friends anyway and only somewhat(ag(again)ain) my "friends" through association.

Actually, I don't think any(again) of them are really friends to me... they don't talk to me, they don't do things with me, and for the most part if they(again) weren't friends with sis, I'd never see them or talk to them. Ah well. I'm not sure I really h(again)ave any real friends any more. My old best friends from school have disappeared over the years with us moving and people growing up. My ones from Olivet (Middle School and High School) are basically the same. Off at colleg(again)e, I never t(again)alk to them or rarely... Matt would probably be my best friend and I've seen or talked to him since High School Football season and only briefly then. My friends at Rose-Hulman would probably be closest and I left there in spring of '99... I talk to some of them online. Some of them might actually wonder what(again) I'm doing and if I'm ever coming back. Too bad I don't think i ever will. I had a wacky dream a few months back that I attended MIT for Grad School. I havn't learned my lesson or any discipline from Rose though still so going to MIT is laughable.

I need to get it together. Everything. Something.

Shay asked earlier on AIM (and on her LJ) what people really wanted for x-mas. I said I wanted an end to loneliness... a cool geek girlfriend that I could believe was going to be there forever. mouse laments her lost 5.5 year "love". I'd like to find one someday so that even if I lost it I'd have lost something rather than had nothing. She's worried she can never love again, I'm worried I'll never find a love in the first place. And I'm not naive... I know a lot of people are out there looking for the right person. It just seems v(again)ery(again) few people out there ab(again)ove ag(again)e 20 are single, have been basically their entire lives and have had as little physical contact as I'v(again)e had. Though I've had some, I've never even kissed a girl before besides on the cheek. The story(ag(again)ain) of the one 4 month relationship I've had and what(again) it never was. :P I thought it was longer but after reading through my paper journal (which I should type here...) I realize it's only been 4 years since that ended. Heh... only.

Back to New Year's... I doubt parents would be amenable to a small party at the cottage. The other cottag(again... something to do with "g" maybe)e isn't heated I don't think since we don't really use it and it's not finished. No well either I don't think. And I don't think they'd want even a handful in the other cottage. Bleh.

Just got chilly in here. I've been sitting here in my shorts and t-shirt since 8 or 9PM and I just now got chilly. I think it's still snowing... it's not g(again)etting light out very fast and it looks fairly overcast(again) from what(again) I can see. Hmm. I guess I'll end this for now... I doubt anyone will actually read all of it anyway. My journal's main purpose isn't to be read, creat(again)e traffic, or entertain anyone anyway. It's for me to write my thoughts for my own records.

On that note... I wonder if there's an easy way to save your entire LJ locally, or if I should think up some ideas and make a suggestion. I'd like a backup just(again) in case, or what about a copy(again) for those who decide to end their LJ's. I don't know if Brad keeps a backup of any of this, or if a hard drive going bad could be the end and permanent loss of all I've written here... I don't like that idea. Hmm.


I guess that last one didn't turn out to be too long... I could say more but I'm somewhat tired of it... maybe I have slight ADD or something because I just want to move on to something different. It'll still scroll a few people's friends pages a ways. Maybe I should start (ag(ag(again)ain)ain) typing paper journal entries in here... will think about what to do now and speak of it later.