I'm only somewhat aware that it's February of 2003. I don't know where the previous year or so of my life is. A few things do stand out here and there, but for the most past I can't account for an entire year of my life. Much like I don't remember middle school at all. I couldn't remember middle school even when I was in high school. I think my brain shut down all memory functions and just did what it had to do to pass the time. I remember a few events... sitting on the bean bag chair every day in 8th grade science doing logic problems that Ms. Matchett had ont he shelf near her desk. That's all I did my entire 8th grade year in science as far as I remember. I know I did work, but at the time it was such simple work that my brain didn't even register it as something important to remember. Like a computer storing data in a database table, but not writing anything in the index to say that information is there. The funny thing is, not only do I not remember school really, I don't remember anything else either. I got home from school every day and did "something" for 6-10 hours every single night, but I don't remember doing anything. Likewise, the last year or so is a blank. I've just subsisted day to day for lack of any better alternatives. For the last couple weeks I haven't really left the house. I generally sleep until mid-afternoon. And then it's dark, I work on some things, pass out watching a DVD movie or anime, and wake up the next afternoon. I've been up for about 14 hours currently. Before that I slept for 3.5 if that. Before that I was up for 21 hours. And time seems to disappear. In high school at the Math and Science Center for my Junior Independant Research project I did a study of people's sense of time as affected by video games. The idea being, while you're playing, you lose your sense of real time... five real minutes could compact down into one perceived minute. And that's how I feel, except I'm not playing any game. I see the clock at 4PM, I go about my business, I look at the clock and see that, oh, it's 9:45PM, I do some random stuff and look up... 3AM? What??? I guess I'll finish up a few things. Wow, it's getting light out. Almost done though, 10AM? Sheesh, crazy. I guess I'll get a few hours sleep. Wait, it's noon already... bleh, I should just stay up. Except I feel like a year or two has been compressed into only a few days. I do remember some events, but most don't even impact me... like I floated through them, but didn't really live them. Which is how my dreams always have been too... I float through them, but nothing affects me, I observe, I witness, I see, hear, and feel things... but it's all lacking clarity, not visual clarity, but mental clarity... as if it all might disappear or fade away if I turn around, as if it's all just a whisper on a wind that isn't blowing, and if I wasn't expecting it to be there, it might not be. Look, it's 6AM.

fun feeling...

I know what you mean. I have practically no memory of my 23rd year of life. I seem to have gone from 22 to 24 with nothing in between. And really, 24 isn't being all that memorable, either.


i think everyone has had this feeling before.....

*sends you lots of love and hugs*

And my life goes too slow...trade ya.