Rick (medlir) wrote,

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This has nothing to do with my rabbit, but I think I think about death too much. My own that is. I think at least once a week I think about how easy it would be to jerk the wheel in my car and fly into a ditch. I wonder if I'll ramp up through the ditch or simply hit it. I wonder if it'd hurt, or if I'd die quickly. I sometimes get the feeling that it's a bad day and that someone's going to hit me. I wonder if anyone would care if I'd die. Maybe it'd just solve a lot of problems. I wonder if I was dying if I could hold on by force of will alone, and if I could, would I? Seems like a lot of it has to do with car accidents. Maybe it's bound to happen, maybe it's just a result of driving so much these days to class and work. On the swoon.com personals site I had put my ideals to find in a search for true love. A girl had written to me saying it sounded like I was looking for someone to live my life for me. I asked what she meant by that but she never replied. Since when is it wrong to want to achieve the best? Is it wrong to want someone to mourn your passing even though that means pain for them? And no, I'm not suicidal. I'm quite sure if I can resist the urge to be stupid like most other teenagers who drink, smoke, or do drugs, and sleep around, then I can resist the urge to do other things. The fine line between thinking and doing.

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