This has nothing to do with my rabbit, but I think I think about death too much. My own that is. I think at least once a week I think about how easy it would be to jerk the wheel in my car and fly into a ditch. I wonder if I'll ramp up through the ditch or simply hit it. I wonder if it'd hurt, or if I'd die quickly. I sometimes get the feeling that it's a bad day and that someone's going to hit me. I wonder if anyone would care if I'd die. Maybe it'd just solve a lot of problems. I wonder if I was dying if I could hold on by force of will alone, and if I could, would I? Seems like a lot of it has to do with car accidents. Maybe it's bound to happen, maybe it's just a result of driving so much these days to class and work. On the swoon.com personals site I had put my ideals to find in a search for true love. A girl had written to me saying it sounded like I was looking for someone to live my life for me. I asked what she meant by that but she never replied. Since when is it wrong to want to achieve the best? Is it wrong to want someone to mourn your passing even though that means pain for them? And no, I'm not suicidal. I'm quite sure if I can resist the urge to be stupid like most other teenagers who drink, smoke, or do drugs, and sleep around, then I can resist the urge to do other things. The fine line between thinking and doing.

.: currents
:: mood( contemplative )
:: music( REM - Everybody Hurts )


soowwee about ur rabbit =(..u seriously think about those things..all the time..ok u didnt say all the time but ya know wat i mean..ne ways last week on wednesday..i was on my way home from college..the class we had last was so laggin..my friend & i figuered we'd ditch class early..neways i just missed the train by 3minutes..i always seem to miss the train..mm must be a sign hehe..the next train is in about 10minutes..but that day i didnt mind waiting for the train..i was quite patient..for some odd reason..a few minutes l8r cops arrived & their were walking up & down the rail trax..it never crossed my mind that theres was a dead body scattered on the train trax..the train i just missed mustve hit that person..i cant even begin to understand why ppl want to die like that..

as we waited for the charted bus..i started to wonder/question wat kinda life that person had?..wat kinda life they'd be leaving behind?..wat made them want to end their life in such a tragic way?..why a rail trax?..why would ne one want to be hit by a fast moving train?..wat pain they mustve felt by that impact..if any..maybe they chose a train to kill them so they wont feel the pain they might feel..if it was a slow death..i wondered wat it was that they couldnt handle/face in their life ne more..(if thats the main problem) that they chose to end their own life..i wondered how their family/friends etc would feel when they learn about their death..did this person have ne one to turn to?..all these questions i'll never know the answers to..

when that day ended i didnt know wat to think of it..me being a bystander @ a suicide scene..maybe someone wanted me to realise that life is all about choices..if something in your life isnt going the way it should be..you could decide to make it better (solve/improve it) or you could decide to just make it go away..let it fade into the background..but you cant always just let it fade out..in hopes that things would be better..

I'm looking at cycles in my life & breaking those that need to be broken & thoughts that arent worth my time even thinking about..especially thoughts of frustration..neways thats another story..you know wat the funny thing is..a couple of days before that tragic day..i told a friend of mine that i found rail trax/train stations spooky..i never knew why tho..but on wednesday..i finally knew the reason why i found rail trax/trains station spooky..& now everytime i go to & from college..waiting @ the platform @ that train station..i'll always be reminded that someone died there on that rail trax..& not knowing the real story..ne ways those are just my thoughts..i didnt think i had heaps to say..ne ways do hope this finds you well..

hazee chyld


Thank you for the story and comment. As I said in my entry though, I'm not suicidal. I think about many things, that just seems to be something that comes up. After reading your comment though, what I'm really wondering more than anything is who you are. :P You've had your journal for a while, but have only made 4 updates, and the one comment you've posted was this one... which makes me feel special. :) Do I know you from somewhere else? What brought you here? I like your picture by the way. :) I've been somewhat wondering who in Oz has been viewing my cam, is that you? :P

Anyway, thanks for commenting. :)


lol@special..muahaha j/k..mm nah i dont think u know from ne where..wat brought me here lol..ah *thinkin*..do u really wanna know..lets just random chat..i mustve been really bored that day..thats when i came across ur random chat thingy..& u mentioned u had a lj..so i figuered id check it out..that was like ages ago =p..u like my pic..yea i like my pic too heehe..mmm me viewin ur cam..mm yes no maybe....take ur pick =Þ

hazee





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