"So, it's that time of year again, when the four horsemen of the apocalypse - Hallmark, Teleflora, Hershey's, and network television - conspire against mankind by forcing us to acknowledge feelings we probably don't have, certainly don't understand, and definitely don't want to explore."

"Valentine's Day. When couples try and pretend that an arbitrary point in time will somehow hold emotional significance, and tide over the cracks in failing relationships. The time of year when baubles, trinkets, and cellulite-friendly sugar products turn men into knights on white steeds."