Been feeling overly ignored by everyone lately. I'll say something on IRC and no one will reply even it's addressed directly to them, I'll leave and no one cares, my family isn't telling me anything lately (I found out Thursday night that I'd be leaving Friday night to spend the weekend at the cottage, I found out Sunday night I was supposed to go to my grandparent's house Monday night to move furniture and plant flowers, etc), if I don't say anything no one says anything to me, and knowing that just makes me feel like disappearing so that when no one talks to me or tells me anything I can pretend they wanted to and couldn't because I took the ability away from them by cutting myself off.

I just realized I hadn't written a real LJ entry for around five weeks now. Seems like forever. I guess my desktop hasn't worked in longer than a month now then. I did get my server together mostly and it's sitting on the network and running. I can get the BBC radio HHGTTG mp3's off it now to listen to and honor Douglas Adams. The power supply in my server died somehow too. It worked a week or two ago when I hooked it up temporarily to get my Pirch->mIRC logfile converter I wrote off it so I could do stats for #soulxchange since so many people ride my ass about updating them all the damn time. I want to modify Bawt to just be an mIRC-style logger so it can sit on channel and log 24/7. That'll make it easier for me to not be present too.

I haven't read my LJ friends page in weeks either, sorry to anyone if I've missed something important. I just don't have the energy or time. I'm not sure why though, I should have plenty since I also haven't been to work in weeks, and I quit going to my two Philo classes months ago. I haven't been sleeping even 8 hours a night lately either... 6 last night I think. I really don't know where the other 18 go. I'm starting to wonder if I have Multiple Personalities or something and they account for the missing time in what I consider to be my life. I've also only had one dream in the last 5 weeks since the one I posted on April 11th. That makes me sad.

Other news, bro and I got the old living room couch up here in our room. It sits right in the middle of the room. We've had it in here a little over a week now. I've slept on it every night since except one. My friend Mike (Krassos on sxc) and his sister Laura came over to visit Friday afternoon. He's living up at his grandparents in Midland I guess since his parents moved to Maine. Not sure if he's going there eventually or not. That's what my current cam image is... the three of us on Friday. I can't remember the last time I actually had my cam on regularly either. A few weeks ago, I came to a dead stop reading Cryptonomicon and haven't restarted it. Instead I started re-reading Stephen R. Donaldson's Chronicles of Thomas Covenant.

Headaches... they've been overly present lately. I noticed I had the one I have now when I left for class tonight. It's ever-present in the back of my head. My mom says I'm not eating right on top of that. She says my fingernails are too dark around the cuticles. Not sure what that means or what causes it but she says it's bad. My mom "forgot" her pledge not to nag me about work. She does it constantly again, several times a day, and seems overly concerned with getting money from me for what I owe them which is strange since last month they were trying to dump money on me to go travel the country/world. I almost did one weekend but my car died againa nd I was talked out of it by everyone but myself.

I keep thinking it's nice out and I should be biking again but it's not happening. The daylight disappears before I notice it and then it's too late till tomorrow when I'll repeat the same thing. Thunder rolling outside right now... it's been sprinkling off and on since this afternoon.... but lots of thunder now. Chances I'll go to work tomorrow? Slim to none. My sleep schedule is so screwed up it's not even funny. I guess I'll read for a bit now and think of more to update with. I mean, you'd think I'd have lots to say considering this covers more than a month of my life.

.: currents
:: mood( numb )

I'll bet if you could get outside on your bike earlier in the day, lots of exposure to sunlight would help to turn your schedule around a bit more toward normal....that's usually what works for me when I get switched around backwards.

That's probably true. Though starting later this week or next week I'll be totally done with class and back to work full-time so earlier isn't going to be possible. I just need to make a concerted effort to go out any time I can. Maybe take my bike to work and take an hour or two lunch to ride during. :P

That would work, I'll bet. I take time to take a walk, drive, or bike ride during lunch when I can, too...just get me in touch with the fact that there's a world going on outside my office. And on days like today, soaking up the sun and burning my albino self!

I know the feeling.

I think we all do at some point. :)

We all have downtime, that's understandable... as for people not caring, I don't know if that's actually what it is... I don't have the answers. Would be nice if I did.

Yeah, it would be nice if we had all the answers. Or at least a few of them, or even some info to base decisions on to so you can make assumptions at some of the answers. :P

i care

Thanks Mel :)

I've noticed your absence from IRC - often times when you do come around, I'm not around - catch 22. :-(

Been missing you though.

Actually, I've been trying to stay around Warped. I was gone all weekend because I was at the cottage, and connection trouble lately has caused me to give up reconnecting to places after 3-4 times so I don't annoy everyone. Thanks for noticing though.

Thanks. Hopefully it passes soon.

Maybe we should get that headache thing checked out....I've had an ever-present headache in the back of my head for a while never seems to go away....I thought I smelled gas the other day, maybe we have a leak?